1. Kidnap someone.
2. Tell them that you’re a gardener.
3. Ask them what they make of it.
4. Release your prisoner.
5. Level up.
1. Picture all places in the world at the same time.
2. Imagine them all without you in them.
3. Imagine them all covered in sand or shadow.
4. Write a list of names of people you will never know and give it to someone you love.
5. Spend a lifetime not knowing yourself.
6. Learn how to play.
7. Level up.
1. Drag the back of your hand
along a smooth surface.
2. Put your face half-way under water.
3. Picture a soft and small animal.
4. Sit in the middle of a burning building.
5. Throw a word against the steepest part of mountain
until it shatters.
6. Drag the palm of your hand
across someone’s face.
7. Tell me your name
and write it on your sheet where it says
1. Walk around your apartment naked.
2. Bob your head back and forth.
3. Imitate the sound of a record skipping
right as James Brown goes ”Hey!”.
4. Keep this up for a good eight or maybe nine hours.
5. Pay no attention to the incessant knocking
on your front door.
6. Sew your eyelids shut.
7. Turn on the stove.
8. Evade your neighbors
or the police
by exiting through a window.
9. Score yourself based on whether or not you survive the fall.
1. Touch your own ass.
2. Touch your own face.
3. Touch your own tits.
4. Touch your own lips.
5. Touch your own junk.
6. Touch your own shadow
in a way that will make it follow you
for the rest of your life.
7. Level up.
1. Compare me to a summer’s day.
2. Compare me to a roundhouse kick.
3. Compare me to the buds of may.
4. Compare me to a guy called Mick.
(who’s more lovely?)
(who’s more temperate?)
5. Keep your comparisons to yourself.
6. Keep playing with your magic wand.
7. Pretend that I’m your sexy elf.
8. Pretend that you are my Mithlond.
9. Score me just based on our first glance.
10. Score yourself based on performance.
1. Take a deep breath.
2. Let the smell travel through your nose and down
into your sooty and clogged up heart.
3. Wave your flower at passers-by.
4. Speak to no one and nothing but your flower for a month.
5. Chop it up and pour poison on it.
6. Keep it in a jar under your bed until the next full moon.
7. Bury it in your backyard.
8. Dig it up when you’re ready to lose for real.
1. Every time your heart is about to break, plant a seed.
2. Photograph your plants as they grow and shift colors.
3. Run the pictures through
photo manipulation software,
therapy, self-pity, or substance abuse.
4. Pick out the best pictures
and have them printed on tea leaves.
5. Tear the leaves up into very small pieces
and collect them all in tiny bags.
6. Visit old lovers (remember to bring the tiny bags).
7. Boil water, pour in cups, and add tea.
8. Put the cups next to your lovers’ beds.
9. Leave before they wake up.
10. Raise your STEALTH and FIRST AID skills.